Dear Ms N

We are at the University Library would like to tell you something. We KNOW that you are a valued patron, we know that your heart skips a beat when you see our card system. We know that you secretly quite like the smell of musty old books and you frown at people who talk above a whisper.

However, we thought we had got rid of you. Its been a few weeks without you coming in to check on holds, holding up the line to get in because your card 'um like won't go' and dropping your books on the stairwell. We, well, we enjoyed you not being around. We had hoped your had 'got as life' as the youth of today says. Yet we hear that you had just been sitting on your bed watching dvds and moaning about work. Whilst we can readily believe this, we've seen you moan before after losing your library card - we had hoped for a reprieve from your presence. Apparently you shuffled in happily today, found the books you needed - needlessly squealed - and revised for a while.

We know your exams are coming up, but why not try meeting real-life guys instead of reading about Dickens hmm?