Dear Miss N

I was in quite a quandary when I heard of your torrent of abuse against my good name. Apparently, whilst waiting for your Shakespeare exam you received your released paper for your poetry module - my beloved Romanticism and you were greatly displeased to have my poem 'Ode to Dejection' as the main focal point. Sorry to hear you find it 'bloody depressing'.

Now, young lady I spent a great deal of time on this poem. It was written for my great friend William (Wordsworth you know my dear) and I was upset to hear of your lack of excitement at my work. Apparently your cursed and wished for Byron. Byron!? The man is perverted in the extreme, didn't you hear about that thing with his half sister? What? Well I don't believe you. He is a caddish sort. Between this, and my marriage troubles...its more than any good man can stand. Also, were you not the young lady who moaned her way through a presentation on Kubla Khan? I remember my assistant telling me someone threw my dear work across the library floor in a peevish display. I am very sorry that my work was too complex for you, might I suggest you try some Dr Seuss? I wish you all the luck in our beautiful land for the examination - as you will need it to understand my work of genius? What? Oh, I took that from Milton my dear, a good friend you understand, 'my genial spirits fail'. How lovely. I am good.


Ancient Mariner-ingly

Coleridge


PS. Stop fawning over Keats. He TOLD you himself that he was not interested. Why not try for Charlotte Smith? What? That's not what I heard my dear!...On the poetical grapevine!