Dear Christopher Marlowe,
This may be a little late but can you not write anything, like ever?
Like go outside, hire a hooker, dance about with Gwyneth Paltrow.
I am trying to write about your plays and it is frustrating, dull and irritating. If you could just make everything incredibly clear then my task would be much easier. I stopped caring 2027 words ago about regressive aggression and power. Also, why did you give your characters stupid fucking names? Tamburlaine, Mephistophilies, Zenocrates - Would a Jill or a Harry kill you?
A word of advice, stay away from bar fights.
Also, I prefer Shakespeare.
Love and Faustus,