Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Graph Love

This is apparently a new craze sweeping Facebook; I have laughed like a loon at them:

Did you get them all?


The anxiety kicked in last night.

God. That was hideously honest. I will update later.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


This looks bloody awful. When did you become 45?!


Yes, NOW. Is that the best you can do? Talk about slouchy. We here at the Board of Revision would like to question your academic itinerary. We have been informed about your own personal style of revision. You have an exam on Friday and your revision is paltry at best. Flicking aimlessly through a textbook, muttering about paying £3000 to be miserable and selecting your favourite coloured gel pens is NOT revision. You are supposed to be in a quiet room sipping herbal tea, with natural light and classical music. NOT perched on your bed, refreshing the Boosh forum every two minutes, knocking back Diet Coke and playing Annie really loud.

Revision is a STATE OF MIND. It should follow a strict schedule, begin with a hearty meal and should conclude in a woodland ramble and a jolly pat on the back. It should be following the examination guidelines and simply going back over what you already learnt. Unfortunately it seems that for this module you laughed at Ian McKellen's 'Mental Macbeth face' and gave Cassio 'marks out of 10, for goodlookingness'.

This is unacceptable. We SAW you today throw that textbook on the floor. It does NOT belong on the floor, you should be discussing contextual race issues not giggling over LOLBoosh. You are 20 years old now, and you moan like a 15yr old studying for their french oral. What? That joke is disgraceful and unfunny. To laugh at that was immature.

Quiet in the back,

Board of Revision.

PS. Revision does not work by Osmosis, sitting with Leavis on your lap as you watch Project Runway is not proper revision. And your Tim Gunn needs improvement by the way, its 'carrry onnn...make it workkkk' not 'carrrryyy onnn' make it worrrrkk'. Loser.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

From the desk of the Bard

Dear Ms N,

I am getting sick and tired of hearing you berate my good name, especially with that kind of language. I chose to layer my plays with allusion and subtext and its not my fault that you are lazy and want everything to be made bloomin' obvious. I know you love my work, I have heard you say it many a time and you are even doing it for your mini-dissertation (I will help, for a fee) I even know that you love one of my sonnets so much you've memorised it like a right little geek. For your exam question, it clearly requires you to investigate for yourself why Macbeth and Othello committed their crimes of furor. Further of our talk of the other day, I am not willing to go 'back over the plays, and like write in the answers' because this would make my works of genius like this:

Lady Macbeth: Forsooth, but why should we kill?
Macbeth: Because of my state of mind. I am clearly deranged. This is explored through my actions. Especially in the banquet scene. Why not LOOK at that for hints? Huh? And those witchy bitches - totally messing with me.
Lady Macbeth: '' ''

And I don't want to change the plot of Romeo and Juliet either. I know you can't watch the end of the Baz Luhrmann movie but its not my fault. Toughen up a bit.

Comparing you to a summer's day,

PS. And stop calling my assistant for a signed photo, for the LAST time I do NOT look like Joseph Fiennes. It was a MOVIE.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

You tried to give an ocean directions

Sitting on my bed, eating my considerable weight in Minstrels and drowning in melancholy with IAMX's beautiful Missile playing. I am doing no work. I am, fail.

This does not make for a happy Ms N.

Update tommorow.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Tough Love INC.

We here at Tough Love INC. would like to state some simple facts for you to get your head round, seeing as you seem disinclined to be mature or rational right now. It is NOT anyone else's fault that you revised the wrong thing for your in-a-WEEK-exam. DEAL with it Missy. Also, YOU missed the bus this morning because you were watching the episode of Will & Grace with Michael Douglas, granted it's your favourite epiosde but you have it on dvd. This makes you STUPID. Someone did take the book you wanted from the library but that is also YOUR fault. We heard you kicked up quite the fuss (in your head but still) and nearly knocked yourself out lifting up the lid on the photocopier. Why not LOOK properly?

Stop that stupidly sniffing and turn off the radio. Yes. NOW. No, we don't know who likes the Hoosiers either. I KNOW! like totally. Um, well anyway: we would also like to add that it is NOT Tesco's fault that they were sold out of all the food you like. Its more of society's fault in general than the 'bloody idiots' at your local store. We heard you make a nasty joke about the steel knife demostrator aswell, its not his fault one of the women didn't want to wait 30 minutes to recieve her free knife, STOP being nasty right now. What? she called him a jobsworth? How very Daily Mail of her. We just want whats best for everyone else right now, so BUCK up your ideas and stop wallowing.

Stop crying and listen,

Tough Love INC.

ps. And your new Mac? You look more bag lady then femme fatale. Now thats TOUGH, love.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A Warning

We here at gorgeous celebrity males have been informed of your interest in our clients. However, we would also like to present you with a concept you may be unfamiliar with: Reality. We've seen your Julian Barratt laptop wallpaper, pictures on your wall and photos folder. I know, to have a folder just for the Mighty Boosh is a bit lame. What? Well password protect then. We've heard you play shag or die, name your 'list' from Friends and seen how you spent the day before your A2 History exam trying to make a definite top 3. We have also heard from our literary affiliates at dreamy book boys that you also had a thing for Seb Mantenga from 'Finding Cassie Crazy', Harry from 'Lost art of keeping secrets' and Dave the Laugh from the Georgia Nicolson books. Although to be fair you have more chance with these fictional characters.

Ms N, why do you have affections for people who are so out of your league its laughable? Instead of liking the boy next door you like Jake Gyllenhaal, inside of the boy at the corner shop you dream of Noel Fielding. And less said about Russell Brand the better. Even WE don't get that one.

Yours handsomely,

Gorgeous Celebrity Males

PS. And we KNOW the real reason why you watch Doctor Who. Everyone knows actually.

Desert Island

Inspired by the lovely Dawn.

1. My laptop. I know this isn't strictly fair but I hope technology would have advanced enough by that time for me to survive with one battery. I CAN'T live without my HP baby. This would also eliminate me having to chose my IPod.
2. Sweets and Coke. Yes, I AM taking this seriously. To my shame, I would have to take them.
3. Toothbrush, because who knows who could be on the island. Or my boxsets.

This is hard. I read all the time. I took 20 books on my last holiday and caused my Dad to go mental when he had to pay extra. Anyway...
1. Lolita
2. Collected works of Shakespeare
3. Lost Art of keeping Secrets.


Bloody hell - how can I CHOOSE?
1. Rufus Wainwright - Best of.
2. Amy Winehouse - Frank
3. Ella Fitzgerald....or Arctic Monkeys...or IAMX...or Regina Spektor...

Items of Clothing

1. My Brokeback Plaid Shirt
2. My favourite pj's
3) Underwear

3 People (I discounted family and best pals)
1. Noel Fielding
2. David Tennant
Rufus Wainwright. Actually that might make for competition. Make that Jake Gyllenhaal.

Girl on Film

I have another 'letter' post coming up soon, but I wanted to post some photos. I missed posting photos. Last night I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my best pal. The movie is great, go and see it. I missed my bus because my brother and my Mum were arguing whenever my neck scarf was chic or pretentious. Then my Dad suddenly wanted a chat for 10 minutes as I was trying to go, 'so....its about the pregnancy movie...oh right...are you going cause of Russell Brand....alright...yeah...bye'.

My movies outfit: Purple bubble skirt and pink tights - I wanted something bright to show next to my mac.

This is what comes of trying to photograph my new black mac when its cloudy. It took me a good 10 minutes to take this off in the cinema, much to the amusement of the people in the row behind.Its revision time so this is what my 'environment' looks like. Not so cute?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Dear Ms N

We are the people from the other side of your mirror. We will give you a minute to adjust to this.

Oh, already? You took that rather well. We just wanted to properly introduce yourself and suggest some things. For starters, don't most teenagers grow out of singing into a hairbrush. We had to put up with you singing Don't Speak from an earlier age. You are no Gwen Stefani, you weren't back then and you aren't now. You are certainly no Hollaback girl. You don't even sing, you lip-sing which is progressively worse as it suggests that you imagine you are quite good. We also wondered how you were managing to succeed academically when all we ever seen you do is prance about to IAMX or giggle your way through Mighty Boosh commentaries. How about some Hardy huh?

We also remember your infatuation with your prom dress, and how you tried it on every night for about 3 months before the prom. We are additionally quite used to your constant frown of disapproval, we would have thought after 20 years you would have found some self-confidence. I think the best we have ever seen from you was a slight nod, well until you discovered that you were no Vince Noir and hats were left to other, more visually appealing folk.

Yours reflectively, (get it!)

Mirror People.

P.S. And we did know....that time. Yeah. Lord.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Dear Ms N

We are at the University Library would like to tell you something. We KNOW that you are a valued patron, we know that your heart skips a beat when you see our card system. We know that you secretly quite like the smell of musty old books and you frown at people who talk above a whisper.

However, we thought we had got rid of you. Its been a few weeks without you coming in to check on holds, holding up the line to get in because your card 'um like won't go' and dropping your books on the stairwell. We, well, we enjoyed you not being around. We had hoped your had 'got as life' as the youth of today says. Yet we hear that you had just been sitting on your bed watching dvds and moaning about work. Whilst we can readily believe this, we've seen you moan before after losing your library card - we had hoped for a reprieve from your presence. Apparently you shuffled in happily today, found the books you needed - needlessly squealed - and revised for a while.

We know your exams are coming up, but why not try meeting real-life guys instead of reading about Dickens hmm?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Dear God

This is a formal complaint, put in writing on behalf of my client, Ms N. Ms N feels that you are distinctly focusing your negative attention on her, or 'bloody picking on me' as she charmingly chooses to put it. Exams and courseworks have been scheduled in the same 3 weeks, the supermarket sold out of diet coke and Project Runway has just started and even as she watches it she feels 'a total sense of guilt, like i'm making fun of Tim Gunn when I should be writing about Bildungsromans'.

Her laundry has built up, she has an Iplayer full of tv shows and her Dad is threatening to delete American Dad from the family's sky plus. My client has ate her considerable body weight in sweets, her room is messy to a degree that would shock Stig of the Dump and her laptop is threatening to stage a coup if she threatens to 'throw it out of the window one more time'. Her body clock is off, she practically cried whilst reading a fic last night and could have punched a wall when an American called her 'a total douche' when she tried to play Halo on her brothers account on a rare break from cursing her academic ineptitude.

Cut her some slack, or my client will sue.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dear Sir/Madam

I am sorry to inform you that Ms N is failing at life. This candidate was never the most focused of girls but we have seen more scholarly ambition in a newt. We gather she has a coursework due on Tuesday and exams in under two weeks - yet she spent the day frivolously. When we ventured to question her itinerary she told us 'I know I should be embarrassed, but St Trinian's wasn't that bad and Brand is quite hot in it'.

We told her this was unacceptable and she told us that she 'planned to work really soon', we then saw her watch her brother on Halo for a good hour, help him with his Jack Sparrow costume then watch Doctor Who behind a pillow and sing dreamily through I'll do anything. Currently she is sitting on her bed listening to IAMX who she informs us is 'totally cool, his music is amazing'. When we asked her when she was going to start some work she used colourful language that will not get her a degree in manners.

Yours Sincerely,

Board of Scholars.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Blondie Bilson

For her new movie: Yay or Nay?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

You Know I'm No Good

I really, really want someone to make me this:

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Thy essay is finished Let us leave The Waste Land!

What? She's still got ANOTHER, WHOLE one to do? AND she's unprepared again?

What about after that? 3 exams? God, she is going to FAIL!

TOWNSPEOPLE: Go about your business.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dear Ms. Marking my Coursework

Dear Madam

I regret to inform you that this coursework is indeed late and poorly constructed. The student feels deeply sorry for this but was doing something she feels was 'more important' and that she was the 'galaxy's only hope'

In short she thought she would spend time doing her hair like Princess Leia.

Yes. I know. FAIL.

What? You don't believe me?
I know. Clearly a borderline case.

I will show you fear in a handful of dust

He who is now living is now dead
We who were living are now dying
With a little patience.

This is, interestingly, both how I am feeling and what I am trying to write about.

Update Soonish.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


What was Ms. Beddingfield thinking?!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Kingston Town

I would like to start by saying thank-you to people who view & comment, it makes my day. Yesterday I didn't post, me and my pal went to Kingston to visit our friend. We walked around the river, shopped, had nando's and watched Enchanted before catching the train home.We wanted to get a milkshake from this shop, it has over 100 varieties and I was desperate to try the Skittles one but I was completely full. She gamely showed me round her library, 'bus man's holiday' according to my Papa and I was thrilled to discover that they order their literature books by time period. They politely stood and tried not to roll their eyes as I squealed over seeing a book I have stuck on hold at mine. Once I got home I was beyond exhausted, I had only 3 hours sleep the night before but by that time I was overtired so it was only after watching some mighty boosh with my brother - finally he watched it - and reading fics for a while, that I managed to fall asleep. I had a great time and took some photos, but with an instant camera so I can't post photos from them. Instead I decided to post some random shots from today.

Me, hiding in the shadows. I feel like gossip girl. You know you love me, oxoxo

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Robots in Disguise

In some sort of horrible irony I have lost my apparent talent for words, and I can think of absolutely nothing interesting to write for my coursework. However, I have never been more active on my LC and Mighty Boosh forums so I may be submitting my ramblings about Noel's new hair or Doctor Who's new timeslot to the examiners. Surely it would be more interesting that feminist constructions of language?

Anyway. Since I mentioned my new favourite Robots in Disguise yesterday - and have pestered my pal to listen to their video on my facebook, and received a review from my MCR loving brother, 'God, you taste has sunk even lower' - I thought I would show some photos of their fabulous outfits:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The sex has made me stupid

I am listening and half-dancing to Robots in Disguise and trying to will myself into doing another paragraph of essay.

I accidently took this shot, and I bizarrely like it. Its of my arm, my leg and a strand of hair which looks red through the light. My hair is miracously back to its pre-dye state at the moment but i'm toying with dying it black. I did once before, in my Ashlee Simpson phase.

I like how this shows how bad my camera is, the light is off, but I think it looks beautiful.

I am trying to sort out my purses for good, thats why two are there, with my love hearts - surely my sweet 'teeth' are evident throughout my photos. The male cheerleader is a guy from Sabrina, I am watching re-runs.

Monday, April 7, 2008


Blonde Lily Allen - Yay or Nay?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

A partner in your sorrow’s mysteries

I am in a hideously melancholic mood, so I won't chat on. Apart from a LOLcat photo war with my brother I've been all horrible and self centered today..well lately, worrying about everything. Anyway, here are some photos from my weekend.

This is my view right now, I am practically LiveBlogging. I am sitting on my window sill, with the window wide open so its cold but my feet are on my radiator. Ella Fitzgerald's Bewitched is playing and its almost...sort of right.

I haven't moved from this space. Barely.

I've been having a Mighty Boosh marathon as you might have guessed from my posts. I sort of go through intense obsessive phases with TV shows.

Walked the dog today with my Dad, we hadn't done it in a while. Doesn't it look pretty? The snow lasted a beautiful couple of hours.

Well, the sun is nearly down although its all pink and purple like an oyster shell at the moment, I am starting to get a little colder, and Ella has moved onto These Foolish Things.

Thanks for reading

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Mod Wolves

Been watching Mighty Boosh all day - again - but I will update tommorow.

Thank-you so much for all the comments, they make me very happy.

Friday, April 4, 2008

I have a problem

Not ONLY am I an Academic Skiver but I have turnt into Cousin IT.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

What is WRONG with me!?

I have TWO courseworks due and EXAMS before the end of this month.

YET, I am sitting watching TMF, posting on Mighty Boosh forums about alleged 'Looks of Love'.

Bloody hell.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Play Misty For Me?

I couldn't think of anything fashion-y to write about so I thought I would just chat on about my life at the moment. The only fashion-y thing I did today was tie a pink scarf into a french-style bow round my neck when I went out for dinner. For me and my self-confidence it was a big step. Isn't that tragic?

Anyway. Its 11:35pm and I've got my old pal Ella Fitzgerald on ITunes. My day has been weird, my parents are back from Paris and once the 'yay they're home' feeling passed I felt like a nasty daughter who wanted them to go so she could watch whatever she wanted. I liked this weekend, my brother is on his XBox Live pretty much all the time so I watched all my shows; scrubs, newlyweds, mighty boosh, frasier... without them moaning on. I baked cookies which looked awful, but tasted delicious and on my second attempt managed a pretty good birthday cake for my Dad. Although, it has yet to be tasted. Today I woke-up so late, like 12:30pm and I ended up watching the new ANTM because Mum and Dad went out. I should be working, I have so much to do. I tidied my room a bit, rearranging my bookshelves and watching Mighty Boosh. After dinner, I stuck on Rufus and read some fanfiction. Now I've gone into my maudlin 'God why do I listen to love songs, they make me worse' phase where I am sitting on my bed with a melancholic expression as 'Misty' plays. Its like something from a bad Indie movie. Maybe I should just find my lyric journal and use some of the gazillion post-its and write some kind of song, to get it all out of me.